Social and political events, the global economy, the pandemic, constant changes, and uncertainty have all contributed to rising levels of anxiety and depression, which have reached unprecedented highs in recent times.

In light of this, how can we find happiness? There are several factors that directly influence our happiness: genetic predispositions (context), external circumstances, and the choices we make in each moment. Of these elements, the one thing entirely within our control is our ability to make choices.

How can we increase the factor that depends on us?

Being aware of the decisions we make is crucial, as we often take many of them for granted, not realizing that we have the option to appreciate them.

We make our choices conscious by reminding ourselves to BE grateful, kind, and generous, as we often forget to do so, taking these actions for granted.

An interesting approach is proposed by Tal Ben-Shahar, Professor of Positive Psychology at Harvard, which involves introducing rituals that help us remember who we are or who we want to BE (grateful, kind, open, flexible, loving, compassionate, tolerant, etc.). The ritual of expressing gratitude every day transforms us into consciously grateful individuals, leading to greater physical and emotional well-being as we begin to experience fulfillment. Another ritual is meditation (silence) or deep breathing to center ourselves, as well as incorporating physical activity and spending quality time with family and/or friends, free from distractions like cell phones, allowing us to connect through open listening and being truly present.

When we want to make a change, we can turn to these “3 R’s” Reminder, Repetition, and Ritual. The reminder is to remind us of the best version of ourselves and, as a result, repeat the action to generate leverage and transform ourselves into what we desire. The introduction of the ritual is key since the ritual is a neuronal pathway in our brain, truly changing the way it functions, therefore, the nature of our existence. If, for example, we grew up in a context where optimism, generosity, gratitude, or compassion were not readily available.

When we want to make a change, we can turn to the “3 R’s”Reminder, Repetition, and Ritual.
The reminder serves to help us reconnect with the best version of ourselves, prompting us to repeat the action in order to build momentum and transform into what we desire. The introduction of ritual is key, as it creates a neural pathway in our brain, genuinely altering its function and, by extension, the nature of our existence—especially if we grew up in an environment where optimism, generosity, gratitude, or compassion were not readily available.

Stress itself is not bad, as we are designed to deal with it. Five thousand years ago, we dealt with being chased by a lion, and today we face the stress of a pandemic or delivering a report. The problem is not stress itself, but the lack of recovery. Our emotional muscles don’t have time to recover, which is why we often break down. Recovery can look different for each person (watching movies, going to the beach, playing sports, climbing hills, doing household repairs, or doing nothing, etc.). Even though these activities can be a source of high stress for others, the point is: how willing are we to take a break to recover? We are living in times where ‘doing all the time’ is considered the key to success, and it seems like we can’t stop. ‘I don’t have time’ or ‘I’ll be left behind’ are the main reasons we don’t stop. But why is it so difficult for us to stop? Could it perhaps be the fear of facing our inner world and finding something we don’t like or that hurts us?

Professor Jamie Pennebaker from the University of Texas conducted an experiment where he gave a group of people the following instructions: For 4 days, take a 20-minute break each day to look inward and write about your most difficult life experiences, everything that arises in your emotions and thoughts. Record them in writing that no one else will read. When the professor began to analyze the initial data, he realized that stress levels increased considerably during the 20-minute break, but as the days went by, these levels started to drop, eventually reaching levels lower than the original ones before the study. In other words, there was a peak in anxiety followed by a decrease as healing took place. Breaks release something we’ve repressed—that we don’t want to deal with. Now, not dealing with it doesn’t mean it won’t affect us. We might be better off in the short term, but we’ll pay a price in the long run. Taking breaks at first can be uncomfortable, but it’s how we grow, develop, and cultivate happiness. “Short-term price, long-term gain.”

Small changes can make a big difference, and to accompany this transformation process, we can introduce Happiness Boosters, as Tal Ben-Shahar discusses. As I understand them, they are brief bursts of what we’re passionate about, what we love, and what we believe we do well. For example, if you love reading, spending 10 or 15 minutes reading something you’re passionate about will allow you to feel comfortable and in harmony despite the circumstances. Including these “islands of healing”, especially when we’re having a tough day, will help us return to our center and boost our happiness levels.